Feeling a little happy, a little sad

I am so happy this week is finally over!  Jay and I are leaving Monday (our 2 year wedding anniversary) to a have a little vacation on Squam Lake N.H.!  It will be chilly but very relaxing.  We are still going to bring the boat, and cruise around.  We did this last year also, and the cold wasn't so bad.  You just bundle up.  Last year we went to The Castle in the Clouds, which was really interesting and beautiful!  This year we are going to drive up Mount Washington!  There is a chance the weather could be bad on the top, so we may not be able to do it?  We will see.  One of the most memorable things about last years trip was the unreal, gorgeous sunset that happened.  It was right after a little snow squall.  We had been watching football, so of course I was taking a nap!  Jay yelled for me to wake up but I didn't bother and told him just to take pictures.  How stupid was I?!!!!  The pictures were so beautiful!  I can't believe I missed it.  After the fact I also thought maybe it was a first wedding anniversary gift from Jenn.  That made me feel 10 times worse.  Jenn was my Maid of Honor and life long friend.  I wonder if something special will occur this year?  This is the sad part.  It was this time two years ago that I was getting ready for the wedding festivities.  Jenn was really ill, but determined to make it to my wedding. She skipped out of the hospital one day to attend a dress fitting I specifically told her to miss!  We were all just  standing around the dress shop and in walks Jenn and her Mom.  I was just trying my wedding gown, and Jenn was so happy to see me in it.  She said she had begged them to give her a pass to leave for a while.  I couldn't believe she was there.  I miss Jenn so much.  On my wedding day she insisted on bustling my dress at the reception even though it was heavy as hell and she was as frail as anything.  She wouldn't let anyone help.  Not that anyone would have helped anyway!  My bridesmaids pretty much sucked!  Jenn didn't want to be my Maid of Honor at first because she felt her illness and lack of driving would make her be a sucky one.  I told her it wasn't about what she could do for me but that she was like a sister and she deserved to be a Maid of Honor!   I knew she would do the best she could and I didn't want anyone else to be it.  She gave in, and took it very seriously.  I miss her so much.  I love her so much.  I know she would be mad at me for being sad and thinking of her so much around my anniversary.  I hope she knows that without her by my side it would have never been as special as it was.  I was so lucky to be able to have her in my wedding.  She died that February of Cystic Fibrosis.  I barely saw her after my wedding because she was so ill.  I think I saw her two or three times after October 18, 2008.  I will have a great time with my wonderful husband but how can I forget such a wonderful friend during such a wonderful time?